This is Sorta Weird, Right?

Posted on Sun Sep 29th, 2019 @ 12:38am by Lieutenant Elara Evander & Lieutenant Commander Jacob "Jack" Devine

Mission: Down the Rabbit Hole
Location: Main Science Lab
Timeline: MD:07 - 1330

There was a lot to get through today for Elara in the science department, but she kept thinking about Jacob. So far things were going well, though she wasn't sure how well her project was going to go. Figuring out everything had been the hard part, she just hoped that things went smoothly from here forward. Elara was really excited to talk to Jacob about it later, if she could manage to steal some time with him later...

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MD: 06
Time: 0500 Hours
Scene: Jacob Devine's Quarters
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Elara moved in her sleep, adjusting her position, before waking up when she registered the warmth and weight of someone else's body on and against hers. She stretched a bit and tried to find a more comfortable position on her side before slowly opening her eyes. She was confused at first because she wasn't in her quarters and then she remembered...Jacob. Falling asleep in his quarters...let alone in his arms...hadn't been her plan, but she didn't hate it. There was so much comfort there. Her back was to him, so she couldn't see him, but she didn't want to wake him. Slowly, she turned to face him, trying not to jostle the arm around her too much. They'd fallen asleep in similar fashion as children, but this was so much different now...nevertheless, there was an incredible ease and comfort being there with Jacob even if they were older now.

They'd talked most of the night. Jacob at one point had silently directed Elara to lay down with him though in a gentle fashion in case she wasn't up to it. She didn't resist and eventually their upright talking turned into laying down just as they were now. He didn't know who fell asleep first but he suspected he was guilty and he couldn't help but feel a little bad about that. Holding her, however, was pure delight and he'd slept the best he had since he could remember; which was entirely weird because in the grand scheme of things he hadn't slept long at all. He woke as she turned in his arms, smiling with his eyes still closed as she faced him. Pretending to still be asleep when it was so obvious he wasn't, was such a Jake thing to do.

She smiled at his silly pretending to be sleeping before scooting slightly closer and pressing her forehead against his chest. "Go back to sleep," she told him quietly. Elara wasn't sure if she could really sleep there much longer, couches really weren't the best place for two people to sleep...but she was enjoying their closeness too much that she didn't want to prompt him sending her back to her quarters. Eventually she would have to because she'd need to change and get ready for her shift, but that wasn't now…

The touch of her forehead above his heart was soothing as a feeling of wholeness, oneness, settled over him. It was kind of insane in the sense that this wasn't something he normally did. Jacob had found it hard to open up to people from the day he'd came into his Betazoid self and had to close everyone out to keep his sanity. No one else could get beneath his shields, not like this. Not like Elara. "Already gone," he murmured then pretended to snore.

Giggling, she shook her head. "Does that mean you're not going to kick me out?" she asked quietly as she looked up. There was this sense of home with Jacob, something that she couldn't explain...like the ping that she'd felt when they were children before he'd even get to the door. Elara thought that perhaps she was thinking too much into it and what it really was was just her clinging to him for catching up on all the time they'd lost...but as much as she knew that there'd been lost time...the ease was still there.

"Nope," Jacob answered, wrapping his arms around her and pulling Elara in closer. "Not gonna let you go now. You're stuck. Guess you'll have to miss your shift." He opened one eye to look at her, his whole expression playful. Obviously he'd do no such thing but for the moment it was fun to pretend. Closing his eye once more, he waited to see what she'd do. Honestly he wished they could both stay right where they were but that wish was ridiculous. "What say you? Shall we skip today?"

"Don't tempt me," she told him brightly. She wrapped an arm around him and was not going to argue him pulling her closer. Elara was quiet for a moment, she wanted to blurt out something, but she was afraid she'd scare Jacob. Instead, she just closed her eyes and soaked in how perfect that moment felt. She really wished they could just skip their shifts...to take a day off...to just hide away together (though they'd likely get themselves into trouble...or scare each other).

"But I wanna tempt you," Jacob countered, attempting to sound like his petulant six year old self and failing miserably. Her arms around him in return was incredibly satisfying and he resisted the urge to look down into her face. He could feel his heartbeat picking up at their closeness and he didn't want to destroy the moment by giving in to the physical effect Elara was having on his adult body. Meeting her eyes would be the end of him so Jacob kept them closed, his relaxed expression lying about what lay beneath. "How much time do we have to pretend we're not going in?"

"I don't know," she whispered as she pressed her face into him just a bit more. Elara was afraid that if she asked the question that it would mean that they had to go their separate ways. Her time with Jacob was precious, it felt even more so now...even though knowing that they were locked in for a fixed amount of time once they left port. After a long moment, she rolled her face to the side so that her ear was against his chest. "Computer, time."

[The time is now oh five hundred.]

"When do you have to get up?" she asked. Elara knew that everyone had their own schedules, especially before a shift and she didn't want to mess up his. As much as she wanted to stay right there with him, she knew that she couldn't keep him all to herself like that...they both had things to do. The more that they did better at their jobs, the more likely it was that they'd be able to stay together (or so Elara believed anyway).

"Not for another hour and a half," Jacob replied with a lazy yawn. Her moving around was killing him just a bit, his body reminding him he was no longer a six year old boy. He tried not to think about it, focusing instead on the sound of her voice rather than the touch of her body pressed against his. It helped to keep his eyes closed, to rest in the quiet of early morning, knowing there was no rush. "When do you have to head back to your quarters to get ready?" he asked.

His shields were slipping a bit, lulled by a mixture of trust and comfort. At first Jacob attempted to keep them up but then slowly started giving in, not so much that his emotional state would bleed into Elara's adding more chaos to her already chaotic mind but just enough that she could pick him up emotionally. So she could feel him there with her on every level. If she pressed she'd easily break through but Jacob didn't expect her to.

"I was going to try to convince you to let me stay longer," she said quietly. She really didn't need a lot of time to get ready, but if she'd have known that their dinner would have led to sleeping over like this...she would have brought her uniform along just so she could stay longer. Elara didn't really want to give this up...and there was the slightest addition of feelings that had edged into her emotional buzz that she found herself pulling towards them. Jacob was so this feeling of home for her and letting that go, even though she knew the time would come and they'd have to go their separate ways for the day...she wanted to squeeze every moment out of it. "To take me to bed with you," Elara told him. She knew that he'd said that he didn't sleep much, but she was selfish in the moment and just wanted him there with her and a little more sleep. A moment passed before she added, "couches aren't meant for two people to sleep on…"

The fact that she wanted to stay longer had Jacob smiling from the start. It was nice to know that he wasn't the only one who didn't want to let go and the flood of happiness from that alone made him feel slightly high and then Elara had to turn high into downright electrified. Bed? She-wanted-him-to-wait-what? He was surprised enough that his eyes opened only to hear her comment regarding couches. It was like he'd stopped breathing for a second and then realization rushed in. "Oh?" he said hinged on a soft laugh and not because it was funny. Was he really that terrible that has mind had immediately gone /there/? He'd never been this awkward with a woman before. It was like he was sixteen years old all over again, hormones every which way, and no idea what he was doing. "Um, I'm sorry, El. I didn't think." Boy was that an understatement. "Did you want to move?"

"Yes...and no," Elara told him. She knew her base feelings for Jacob, the ones that hadn't changed since she'd seen him when she was nine. It was weird that they were back together after all this time and it didn't feel so different...but her heart was feeling things that she didn't think was in her realm of feeling last time she saw him. Elara breathed in the scent of him before slowly moving so that she was sitting on the edge of the couch with her back to him and looked back over at him. "You can stop apologizing, you know...it's me...you don't have to fuss." She was quiet for a moment. "And you can kick me out if I'm messing up your routine at all...or you just want to be alone."

A soft sigh escaped him as he too sat up and shifted a bit over to sit beside her. "Do I apologize that much?" He hadn't noticed. "I don't want you to go. I believe I was the one to suggest we skip work even if we both know we're not going to do that." He looked down at the carpet between his feet as he sorted through his thoughts.

"I think it's impossible not to feel close to someone you knew for the first seven years of your life. To know someone as a child is to know their truest uncolored soul before the world breaks in with the finger paints." He paused, knowing somewhere along the way he'd mess this up, say the wrong thing.

"I feel like I know you the way I know my hand, the way I know my heart. Like you're an undeniable part of me that's been missing. The attraction is just so strong. To be perfectly honest, I could easily fall in bed with you in every imaginable way, El." He winced at the confession as he chanced a look in her direction. "It's all rather confusing to be honest. I keep reminding myself it's been twenty-three years but I can't get it to sink in."

Elara was quiet but smiled at him sweetly as she reached out to touch the side of his face. “I never stopped missing you. I’ve always felt like you were a piece of me that I was missing,” she told him. “I’m pretty sure everyone has always thought I was crazy for it.” She was quiet again, there were so many emotions going through her head and she didn’t know if she could do them justice.

“Jake, all I can think about is how you feel like home to me...but you’re right, it’s been twenty-three years.” Elara dropped her hand from his face, scooted closer, and reached out to take his hand. “It’s taken us this long to get back to each other and I don’t want to mess things up…” She remembered growing up how her mother used to always talk about how Betazoids valued honesty and transparency, which Elara realized was because being in a telepathic culture that there was little left hidden away. However, being Human wasn't exactly on the same level as being Betazoid, most did value privacy and Leo used to tell her she took more after her Human side because she was far too emotional. She and Jacob both had the duality of being both Betazoid and Human. He'd obviously had training in his abilities while she'd never latched onto any of what her mother had tried to teach her...and she worried about how that would affect them going forward on any level.

Turning slightly so that her knees hit his, the closest that she could do to face him in the way she was sitting, Elara used her free hand to pull his face closer and she pressed her forehead to his (though she had to sit up a bit taller). "This would be so easy…" she breathed as she closed her eyes. They could be so easy together, Elara thought, but she didn't think he was prepared for the twenty-three years of whatever was the mess of her head...and she couldn't be certain she was ready for what he'd been through. Though she still felt like no matter what, it would be best if they faced it together...she just didn't know if that was fair to him.

Jacob looked at their hands as she held his, marveling at how small and delicate her palm and fingers were in comparison to his larger proportions. He could almost close his hand around her fist and make it completely disappear. And then she was turning into him and raising her other hand to capture his face. Jacob reacted to her touch as if Elara's moves were choreographed inside his brain. All cause and effect where one thing led to another. She shifted closer, he leaned in.

Like her he didn't want to mess this up but it /was/ easy. Easier than anything he'd ever experienced. He just didn't know if he could be that patient. His hand came up, the one she wasn't holding, to cup the side of her face and Jacob pulled back just enough to tip his head and kiss her. The brush of his lips against Elara's was gentle, tentative, waiting to be pushed away or pulled in closer.

This was not a moment she'd ever thought of, her thoughts and memories of Jacob Devine had never been a romantic one...they'd been the best of friends as children but at the same time more. The day she'd been pulled away from him had shattered her life, changing it...and she'd felt like part of her was missing. For all the times she'd been told that she was being dramatic, in this moment...she knew that they were all wrong. He was her home because he made her feel whole again. Twenty-three years hadn't changed that. Elara took in the moment, this first time he'd kissed her like this...and she pulled back just slightly to press her forehead against his again. She ran her nose back and forth across his before pulling him in for a kiss of her own, it was soft but Elara was eager in this new exploration between the two of them. It hadn't been unwanted before, but she'd needed the moment to take it in. She squeezed his hand, now she really was wishing that they could just skip the day.

Maybe it would have been logical to sense rejection in her retreat but it didn't feel that way to Jacob. There was surprise there, sure, and perhaps a few seconds of consideration as her forehead touched his and she gave him what his dad would classify as "Eskimo kisses" but then she returned his kiss on the lips and when she did Jacob could feel the warmth of her rushing through him and the second kiss lasted longer than the first. He retreated a short distance, drew a steadying breath then pulled her into his lap and wrapped his arms around her. "Thanks for not slapping me," he teased, eyes dancing as he kept her from responding by kissing her again. Maybe this was a mistake to step into such intimacy without another thought but it didn't feel like it. Where was that voice coming from anyway? Who said it couldn't be absolutely perfect? And even if it wasn't, didn't that classify as normal?

Her whole body was reacting to Jacob's actions. Elara was absolutely beaming, her smile and from her eyes as she stared at him. Her heart was racing as was her mind. So many emotions stirring her mind, like fireworks...some brighter and louder than others. A blooming of emotions that were hers and tangled up in her own like they were blooming and taking on colors of their own. Her arms wrapped around him and she giggled at his comment between kisses. There was a feeling of losing herself...yet not, with Jacob. She craved for their kisses to continue, but she also didn't want to overwhelm him. Elara pulled just away from him and pressed a kiss to his forehead for a moment before looking back at him, her fingers running through his hair. "We're still sitting on this couch," she teased brightly.

Her touch, her nearness was amazing. Jacob enjoyed her fingers in his hair, the feel of Elara's body against his, and the way their emotions were slowly starting to intertwine. His knee started to bounce a little with nervous energy as close became closer...

"I know," Jacob finally said in response to her jibe. "I'm seriously debating about whether or not you'd really want to see my lavender Starkin sheets." His eyes reflected her amusement, his crooked smile not doing a thing to hide the blush warming his cheeks. Starkin was a childhood animated explorer and educator, the character herself quite colorful and extremely feminine and the look in Elara's eyes was utter disbelief. "No, really. They're kind of a holdover from my early days of sharing open bay dormitories when I first started out as a starboard wing jockey. You know, low man on the totem pole sort of deal. We didn't get much replicator use back then and they never disappeared on me." He kissed her nose. "For awhile I wasn't sure if my call sign was Hijack or Starkin. Whole brood thought it was damned hysterical. But hey, it was good for laughs at the end of the day. So I kept them." Reaching up he tucked a strand of hair behind Elara's ear only to continue the movement to the back of her head and gently bring her in for another kiss. As they parted he jokingly asked, "So, how many manly points did I just lose?"

"You have all the points, always, Jake," she told him brightly. Elara felt like she had to be in a dream. If she was, it was one she never wanted to wake from. The happiness she felt, it was something that she missed. There was a weightlessness about it, something freeing. Kissing him again, she wondered if it was possible to get lost in those moments. "Though now I feel like I need to see these famous sheets." A hand ran along his spine, there's was this want and need to relearn Jacob...just differently now. "We can just lay together...and talk...and kiss," she said, her smile brightening a bit more before kissing him quickly. "Just together until we have to get ready for the day…"

He could feel how elated Elara was and any reservations Jacob had left melted away under her touch, her kiss. Releasing her, he extended a hand out, offering it to her to help her get up off his lap. "Your wish is my command," he answered with a smile. He didn't know how any of this was going to go and the anticipation admittedly had him a little antsy. "I warn you though, it's not like anything you would have ever expected." It had gotten a little crazy over the years to be fair. Past roommates had added to Jacob's collection out of mischievous spite and Jacob had simply gone along with it. Embarrassing gifts had almost become a rite of passage until he'd gained enough rank to have his own quarters.

Once she was up, Jacob joined Elara, following her to the bedroom to watch her expression as she took in his crazy Starkin bedding along with the stuffed Starkin pillow. The full sized bed seriously looked like it belonged in the bedroom of a little girl. He supposed as an LTC he ought to be more dignified but at the end of the day it made him smile and was full of fond memories. The rest just didn't seem to matter.

"I think it's fun," Elara told him. She looked over at him before reaching out to take his hand, "plus...anyone who makes it this far into your room and judges your fun bedspace...then they don't belong in here." It was cute and she thought it was good as well because it clearly brought about memories and they were thinks he'd clung to. They'd already discussed that neither of them really had much in the ways of things that they'd moved with or held onto through the years.

Jacob pulled her into his body by the hand she was holding. "So I'm classified as fun now?" he inquired with a smirk. Leave it to Elara to see it that way. "I guess that means you belong here then?" Seemed a logical twist on her judging commentary. The room was perfectly squared away, the bed in spite of its silliness, made properly without a wrinkle in sight. Even the Starkin pillow had been carefully centered between the pillows. All consequences of being a man who had too much free time before his day began.

Being extremely neat and tidy wasn't exactly something she'd expected, but she supposed that her bedroom would be a stark opposite to this one. She wasn't exactly sure what he'd think of it. The bedsheets were standard and on every move she'd replicate basically the same set of extra four or six pillows (larger ones, some with differing degrees of firmness), a thin weighted blanket, and two fluffy comforters. Elara liked to crawl into bed and basically be nested in it and then when she got up, she did little rearranging in resetting it. It was normally just her and Pippin in her quarters, so it wasn't really ever an issue, the dragon never complained.

Kissing him, she pulled back after a moment and smiled at him. "Don't go and freak out on me now," she teased as she stepped back and went to work removing her shoes before setting them off to the side so neither of them would trip. Straightening up, she removed her sweater tunic though she had a white camisole underneath. Elara generally kept covered so that her tattoos were not seen by most, even when she was in casual clothes. There was no need to be getting too warm if they were going to lay together. Moving back to him, she held her hand out to him, hoping that he was still okay with things.

Freak out? Jacob let go of Elara and watched her step out of her shoes. It was the first look he got at the start of some serious ink. He smiled at the flowers on her feet and then the sweater came off and there were more flowers. She had tattoos covering both biceps and across her shoulders and down toward her clavicles. It was actually quite pretty, not that she needed anything to help her in that regard. He smiled as she moved to rejoin him, taking her hand and placing it on his chest as he stepped in closer and brought both his hands up to rest on her shoulders, one thumb dipping down to gently trace the flowers along one collar bone as he leaned in to kiss her one more time.

They moved to the bed at that point, Jacob playfully tossing the Starkin pillow across the room before settling on the pillows on his back. He reached for Elara and helped her get situated along his side, his arm arm around her. One of her hands was tucked up against his ribs the other arm draped across his chest. He brought his free hand up to run his fingers over the red and blue flowers winding their way from her shoulder down to her elbow drawn by the color and beauty of the art. "I think you're right. The bed's more comfortable," he offered with a smile. Of course later that night he'd have the ghosts of her presence to sleep with when it came to impressions in the sheet and the smell of her floral shampoo.

She laughed and cuddled closer (if that was even possible). "I told you," she whispered. They were probably using up just as much space as they had been on the couch, but beds were always more comfortable than couches. Elara look up at him, gave him a good squeeze, she just smiled at him for a moment thinking about how she could have used just being held like this so many times through the years (and no doubt he could have used it as well). "Do you normally just lay in bed once you're up so early?" she asked him. Her fingers ran down and back up along his buttons on his shirt slowly, wanting every bit of physical contact even if it was just fabric she was touching. Elara was still sleepy, but she didn't want to miss out on any time with Jacob. It wasn't like if she fell asleep he'd disappear, but she was overflowing with emotions and being so happy wasn't one that she was used to. Being exceptionally pleased, maybe...but that was with a project...it wasn't the same as what she felt with him.

"No, I can't just lay still like this on my own. I get up and clean my room and then maybe mess around with the keyboard in the living room. Sometimes I'll go to the hangar bay before my shift begins and check out my bird." Jacob's fingers stroked Elara's arm tracing lightly over the outer edges of a flower. Her skin was soft and he enjoyed the feel of her against him, the way she kept hugging him and snuggling in close. She was just so happy and that emotion was contagious, spilling over into him, leaving him to be content right where he was, holding her. "I like the flowers. What made you decide to have this done?" His fingers had left her arm to brush over her collar bone, eyes meeting hers. He wanted to ask if there were more but it felt a little too personal for the present and he didn't want to complicate things while time was slipping away.

Elara wasn't sure how he'd take her response. She knew that she could lie and just say that she thought it was pretty (and they were), but that hadn't been why she'd started. "I was struggling," she said softly, her eyes on his. "I wanted to feel pain." She paused for a moment. "Doing this seemed like a less self destructive way to achieve that…" When Jacob had shielded her from the other emotions around them, it had been hard for her to exist in that quieter bubble. Her own emotions plus the buzz of other emotions sometimes was far too overwhelming and feeling isolated (and feeling like an outsider) that she'd worried that she wouldn't be able to survive it all.

He understood being bound up in your own emotions, wanting to feel something, anything. For Jacob that involved taking action. The sad thing was he didn't always think first. It had made him something of an adrenaline junkie over time though he'd gotten better at controlling his impulses. Or at least he thought he had. "It's important to find something that works. Some sort of coping mechanism," he admitted softly, his eyes focused on the flowers. "There's something poetic about creating beauty from pain." His eyes shifted from the red petals on her arm to her hazel green eyes, their color drawing him in.

"Is it too much?" she asked him quietly. They both knew that the time had passed that they hadn't seen or talked to each other, but she worried that this might be too much for him. Elara didn't mean the actual tattoos (though that could be too much she supposed as well) but why she'd started to get them. Jacob couldn't even see them all in that moment because they were covered by clothing. She had done what she'd needed to survive basically alone through the years since her parents' deaths and she'd just done what she felt like she needed. Though not contacting Jacob when she'd wanted to forever go was still a huge regret, however she kept trying to tell herself that this was good too...since it felt like in ways that no time had passed.

"Too much?" Jacob's brow furrowed. "They're beautiful and if they make you happy then why would they be too much?" He pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Right now, El, I'm more content than I can ever remember being. Maybe there's a part of my brain complaining that this is crazy, that we could be risking our friendship; but that doesn't change the fact that it feels right and that you feel good in my arms. I'm willing to see where this goes. Are you?" He pulled back to look into her eyes. They'd been apart for so long and yet the pull between them was still every bit as strong. As far as Jacob was concerned there was no rush, not that he was trying to slow things down. Still, it wouldn't work if Elara wasn't interested.

Risking their friendship was scary, especially because of the time they'd spent apart. Elara didn't want to lose him again. It was a lot all at once, but this was one of those times in life where it felt like she needed to choose to jump or not...and Jacob, it was a no brainer to her to jump. The feelings she had for him were undeniable and she was willing to explore them, but of course she was worried because he was so important to her. Staring at Jacob, her mind was definitely made up. "I want us to try this…" Elara whispered. "But I also don't want to lose you." She didn't know if they could have basically a chance at whatever it was between them, but promise to keep a friendship. Was that even fair? What if one of them felt more strongly and the other didn't actually feel the same? Was it fair to keep being friends to the person who had the strong feelings? She could get used to this, she knew that...but she didn't know if this was realistic for them, they were different people and they would have to get to know each other in how they were different now.

"I'm not going anywhere," Jacob murmured in reply, the backs of his fingers caressing Elara's cheek. "I can't promise if we fail that it won't change the nature of our friendship but I don't believe this connection could ever be entirely lost, apparently not even if we ignored it." The last was added with a smile. They hadn't seen one another for twenty three years but they'd talked quite regularly up until Jacob's mom took ill. That was roughly sixteen years ago and he regretted that very last call. He'd been a mess and had spent so much time in his head to get through it that they'd spent more time on the call staring at one another over the distance because he was struggling to string simple words together. The worry on her face back then had made it harder to put her through what he was dealing with.

She found herself beaming at him once again because she believed he was right when he said that he didn't think that their connection could ever be entirely lost. Her emotions were swirling, but the happiness and excitement were definitely on overload. Elara leaned in and kissed him again. "You realize that this is sort of weird, right?" she teased before kissing him again. "Our younger selves would probably think so."

"Ewww, gross, girl slobber," Jacob said with a grin only to pull Elara in closer for another kiss. She was definitely right. He was pretty sure he'd wiped off a kiss or two before he'd learned to leave them be just so she would be happy. Right now, however, kissing her was making him very happy.

Giggling, Elara held tight to him and then felt fatigue hitting her (a reminder that they'd woken up early). She didn't know how long they'd been up, but she was definitely still a little sleepy. Normally she would have slept until about an hour before she had to be on shift. She didn't need to fuss too much with her hair or eat anything but a bite of something and a coffee that she could carry. Nuzzling into his chest, she closed her eyes, and just breathed in the scent of him. She wanted to sleep for a little longer, but she also wanted to stay up until they really did have to go their separate ways for the day. "I just want to lie here for a bit longer," she whispered.

Jacob could sense the heaviness Elara was feeling in spite of the excitement of the moment. He raised his hand and stroked through the back of her hair, fingers running through silken locks, separating dark auburn strands as he watched them fall back into place. "Go ahead then," he said softly. He wouldn't be able to sleep but Jacob wasn't against letting her do so if she was comfortable enough. "If you fall asleep, I'll wake you up before it gets too late." Could she sleep with someone playing with her hair?

She was already at ease snuggled up to him, but his fingers in her hair only furthered it. The idea of them hiding away together for the day was oh so tempting once again, even though neither could really do it. She'd happily lay there with him all day if she could. It didn't take long before Elara was asleep once again.

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LtCmdr Jacob "Jack" Devine
Squadron Ldr - USS Andromeda

Lieutenant Elara Evander
Chief Science Officer, USS Andromeda